Do You Feel Misunderstood or Not Listened to in your Relationship or Marriage?
Has miscommunication increased stress in your relationship?
Do you get along and then fight and everything feels terrible?
Are your needs not being met?
Do you feel betrayed?
Should you stay together or break up?
Couples can be in deep emotional pain when they are in a relationship that goes sour and the children may suffer as a result. Relationships can be complicated by a variety of situations such as a new baby, children from a previous marriage, a new job, mental or physical disability as well as intense stress.
It is normal to change how you relate to each other over time. Usually, relationships start off with such high expectations it is hard to imagine that the bliss won’t last. Over time, anger, resentment, and irritation can replace the friendship with hostility and negativity. Instead of a loving relationship, it has more miscommunication, fights, disagreements, partner shutdowns, and even loneliness. After a while, you feel disconnected and confused about how to reconnect with your partner.
Challenges in the Relationship
Even the healthiest loving relationships have challenges. We deal with many problems in our lifetimes. Financial difficulties, newborn children, children leaving home, deaths or sickness of loved ones, losing a job, accidents, stress, recessions, pandemics, war, and terrorism just to name a few. These difficulties may lead to stress, depression, anxiety, insomnia, addiction, or behavioral changes. Dysfunctional coping strategies may cause more arguments or a lack of communication.
Many couples avoid discussing their differences with each other, friends, or family. They may feel they are living with just a roommate. When partners feel alienated they may go outside their relationship because they feel neglected. Sometimes the lack of connection may lead to infidelity which may end in separation or divorce.
Couples may become aware of how vulnerable their relationship has become. Fortunately, with the help of an experienced and compassionate therapist, you can transform your relationship. A Marriage and Family Therapist is a trained professional who can facilitate and teach communication skills and provide a safe place from which to work out differences and renew or create a marital friendship.
- Couples Counseling Can Help you Renew your Relationship
Often couples find that having a lasting, loving relationship can be very demanding. The process of creating and maintaining an intimate bond with another person can be one of the greatest challenges in their life. At Eugene Relationship Counseling, Richard Pomper, LMFT has handled many of the same issues both personally and professionally.
During relationship counseling, we use a scientific method based on the methods of John M. Gottman, PhD., who pioneered research on successful couples for more than 40 years. He realized after studying the data that conflict resolution and communication skills were not the only answer to making a relationship successful. While arguing more “nicely” might help reduce stress levels during a disagreement, it wasn’t enough to revive marriages. Dr. Gottman’s research focused on happy marriages. What were the key ingredients that helped them weather the storms in their relationships? Dr.Gottman’s research helps couples identify their weaknesses and concentrate on the principles that strengthen partnerships. We also utilize the work of Stan Tatkin, PsyD., who studied the latest brain science to help partners learn to experience positivity in a whole new way.
Even the healthiest loving relationships have problems. The ‘healthy’ part of a relationship comes from having the skills and tools to resolve conflict and work out the differences that naturally arise in the course of your life together. It can be difficult to accept that the one person with whom you are so close, can ultimately feel so different or be so infuriating. A healthy marriage or partnership can navigate these conflicts, moving away from blaming and developing the skills for compromise, compassion, and positive solutions.
Couples Therapy can be the place to learn how to do it – a safe place where skills are fostered and taught. Fighting over commitment issues, jealousy, money, sexuality, betrayal, time alone or together, parenting, or communication styles are common. Sometimes the patterns we learned about relating through our families that we grew up in create conflicts with our relationship partners. Whether your problems are small ones that keep you stuck or large issues, you may want to consider couples counseling.
When you come in for couples counseling, the therapist will ask what your goals are and discuss the details of the problem from each of your perspectives. It is important to think about, what would be your common goals are rather than what each of your goals might be individually.
A healthy marriage or partnership can navigate these conflicts, moving away from blaming and developing the skills for compromise, deciding what your goals are, and discussing the details of the problem from each of your perspectives. At Eugene Relationship Counseling Richard Pomper a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with more than 30 years of experience has helped thousands of couples. He is a trained professional who can facilitate and teach relationship skills in a down to earth way and provide a safe place from which to work out differences. Starting couples therapy may feel scary but it can actually be an act of love – one that validates the importance of the relationship. Starting couples therapy demonstrates to both of you that it is worth putting the time and attention into understanding and feeling better about the relationship. The heart of Richard ‘s approach is based on helping couples form strong friendships. Understanding each others likes and dislikes, quirks, dreams, and hopes is essential for a happy life together. Learning new skills and gaining new perspectives may breathe new life into your marriage
We need Help, but my partner is reluctant-how can I get them involved?
It is not uncommon for one partner or spouse to show less interest or motivation in seeking out couples counseling. One strategy is to tell your partner that you would like to focus on increasing the positives in your relationship. Another option is to ask your partner to choose a therapist that they approve of.
We want to start Couples Therapy, but isn’t it Expensive?
Many couples don’t realize that couples counseling is an investment in your future. Many insurance companies will pay for counseling if it is impacting you emotionally. If you are able to establish healthy connections you will avoid many physical and mental problems, expensive and destructive divorce proceedings.
Should we be Afraid of Couples Counseling?
Sometimes couples have negative expectations of what the therapist might say and recommend to them. They may anticipate judgment, criticism, blaming, shaming, ridiculing, and/ or scolding, etc.
Marriage and Family Therapists are trained to work with couples in a non-judgmental way and will create a safe, supportive environment to help clients deal with their issues. By encouraging questions about the counseling process and assignments clients usually feel more invested in their future.
Transform Your Relationship Now!
If you would like to schedule an appointment or discuss any questions you may have about couples counseling, please phone me at 541-520-1535.